Rewrite of scene from movie

I chose the movie 300 thinking that some of its scenes fit really nicely with some of the mythical story telling structure things, then after watching it, I realized that it followed the structure very closely. Also, I love the movie, probably top 3 or 5 for me. While watching it, I typed up notes on the scenes that went along with the different patterns, then I chose a scene and tried story telling it. While I was typing my notes, I figured that was exactly what they were going to be, but now thinking about it, I figured I would just paste them in my blog. Being how I thought they were notes just for me, they are a little graphic and strange.

Ordinary world- Entire intro to movie showing how Spartans are made

Call to adventure- When the Persian comes into Sparta asking for submission and King Leonidas is a badass and kills him. Really sets tone for entire movie, Spartans are badasses.

Refusal of the Call- Oracle sends Leonidas away frustrated and torn.

Meeting the Mentor (Wise Old Man or Woman)- His wife convinces him of what he already knew and wanted.

Crossing the First Threshold- Leonidas gathers 300 men and leaves disregarding the rule of the gods and tells the prophets that he isn’t engaging in war. Leaves behind wife and child

Test, Allies, Enemies- From early on in their journey/march, disfigured dude follows asks Leonidas if he can join and Leonidas declines him, ultimately leading to his downfall. Arcadians join as allies. Possible first test- reach burning village, young boy speaks of immortals, Arcadians are scared, Spartans are confident and keep marching on. Other possible test- Black guy comes to talk to a leader and sees that Spartans have built a wall of their peeps, and Spartans act like the badasses that they are and show the dude what’s up. Crippled dude shows himself telling about a back way to get to the Spartans and Leonidas stays cool and talks to him. But ultimately tells him that he cannot help them. Test being the hidden passage to the back of the Spartans that will ultimately lead them to their doom.

Approach to the Inmost Cave- 300 Spartans and weak Arcadians start whooping some ass and killing different waves of Persian warriors. First Persian gets spear thrown at him and the battle begins, the Spartans are incredibly badass. Defeat many waves with practiced precision. Astinof dies.

Supreme Ordeal- Cripple dude gives away hidden path. Leonidas tells many to leave and keeps a handful to die a beautiful death. Final showdown with Zerxies, Leonidas gets plan that seems like he can’t refuse.

Reward (Seizing the Sword)- Leonidas refuses to submit to Zerxies and proves that even a god-king can bleed at the cost of Leonidas’ life.

The Road Back- One eye guy went back to Sparta to tell the story of what happened and gather more troops. Everybody is sad that they all died.

Resurrection- A year later, one eye guy is the ruler of a huge army of 10,000 Spartans and 30,000 Greeks formed to revenge the 300 soldier’s deaths

Return with the Elixir- Assumed that since the 300 Spartans whooped so much ass, that 10,000 should have no problem doing work.

Call to adventure-

It started as normal a day as any. Leonidas was about finished with his Spartan lesson to his boy. Today was an important on; respect and honor. Little did Leonidas know that the events that would take place next would set up the events that would cement his story in history. Leonidas saw the concerned look in his wife’s eyes as his most trusted soldier and friend approached them.

“A Persian messenger awaits you.”

Leonidas knew this day would be soon to come and it didn’t worry him. The Spartans have gone long without a serious war and he knew the Persians were growing in number conquering numerous countries. It was a matter of time before they would be at the gates of Sparta.

As Theron, Sparta’s most respected councilmen, and the Persian approached Leonidas, he already knew the outcome of what was next to come. He could see that this Persian was arrogant and greedy just like the rest. He was dawned in fancy fabrics and rare stones and metals, and rode with the skulls of the kings of the other conquered countries in a bag on his horse. This made the blood start to pump through his veins just a little faster. He was getting angry, but excited. Leonidas found it disgusting how seeing Theron made him feel the same way. They were both snakes.

As the Persian messenger opened his mouth, Leonidas interrupted him, letting him know that in Sparta, no amount of disrespect is allowed, even from just a messenger. The next words out of the simple Persian’s mouth were simply, “Earth and water.” It upset Leonidas that this Persian would ride all the way her to waste his time with games and riddles.

As the Persian continued about the God-king Xerxes and how vast and powerful his army is, Leonidas didn’t even hear him. He knew it was time for Sparta to take on its most powerful adversary yet. The more the Persian spoke, the faster the blood began to flow in Leonidas’ veins. The word “submission” came out of the Persian messenger’s mouth. This stupid Persian, Leonidas thought, doesn’t he know that Sparta bows down to no man? That Sparta is where warriors are born and bred? The Persian messenger did not choose how to speak to Leonidas very carefully and he would pay, but the time had to be right.

As Leonidas began speaking, that snake of a politician, Theron, began interrupting him, telling him to be diplomatic. Now Leonidas’ blood was really pumping, and he continued on with the Persian. Until he was cut off.

“Choose your next words wisely Leonidas.” This stupid arrogant Persian didn’t get it. The adrenalin was fully working in his body now. Leonidas could feel the cool breeze running across his feet and wrapping around his broad chest. He gazed as his countries vast hills and land, knowing that it very well could be one of the last times he would get to appreciate its beauty before he engaged in war. He looked at the children, women, and men around him, knowing that true Spartan blood ran through them all, and they were waiting for Leonidas to take care of this Persian.

As Leonidas pulled his sword to the unsuspecting Persian, all of his men around him did the same. The Persian was completely shocked; like for some reason he thought he could come into Sparta and behave and say whatever it is he wants without any consequences. The Persian was backed against the sacrifice pit.

“Earth and water, well you will find plenty of both down there.” His teeth were bared, he could taste the kill coming, “You bring the crowns and heads of conquered kings to my city steps. You insult my queen. You threaten my people with slavery and death. Oh, I have chosen my words carefully, Persian. Perhaps you should have done the same.”

Leonidas gave the Persian one last long look. He knew that his next action meant war for Sparta. He looked over to his queen for reassurance. As she nodded, the Persian’s eyes widened. With a strong kick to the chest, and yell in for Sparta, Leonidas sent the messenger flying backwards solidifying his decision for war.

character we drew

"Heel boy. What was that?" His horse's ears perked up; he had heard it too. THWACK. There it was again. Dirk unsheathed his sword. Dirk knew all too well the dangers on the trail to Yermton. The trail always looked very calm and peaceful, especially today. There was vast cornfields on the south side of the trail and leafless trees along the north side. The slight breeze ran all the way down Dirk's back, chilling his spine. THWACK! They were appoaching the sound cautiously. The stream ahead was the most dangerous part of the trip. THWACK! Dirk knew his horse would sense his unease, but he couldn't help but tense up. THWACK! They came around the corner and saw a man, no more than four feet tall. THWACK! The man's hammer slammed against the poorly put together cart on the back of his mule. With every swing of the hammer, it looked like it was about to fall further apart.
"Would you like a hand?"
The man turned around quickly and scowled. "No boy mind your business!"
Dirk put away his sword and approached the man. "I have more tools in my satchel, let me lend you a hand, this is no place to be hanging around."
The man approached Dirk looking intense and fierce. "Boy what do you know!" Dirk could smell the man's foul stench from four feet away. "I don't need the help of a baby hands little boy and I can handle myself."
The man's scowl showed what few teeth he had were quite crooked and brown. Even the man's mule reeked. Dirk desperately wanted to help, but if this man was going to be this stubborn and stupid, he deserved to be let behind. Dirk turned to his horse and whispered, "Alright boy, if this man want's to be left alone out here, let's leave him be."
"I'm not alone boy! I have my horse and my friends right here!" Surprised, Dirk looked around and saw nobody. There was no movement or anything. He lowered his voice even lower, "Besides, this man is crazy." The man jerked his head back, and he stared fiercely at Dirk. There was no way the man heard that Dirk thought. As Dirk started walking away, he looked back and caught the bitter old man looking at him walking away. Dirk couldn't tell it for sure, but he thought there was a glitter on the man's cheek that could have been a tear. He just kept on his way.

blue moon

"This is a once and a lifetime opportunity, we gotta do this." It seems like nothing ever good comes from that sentence. Usually whenever you hear it's a once and a lifetime opportunity, it is a lot like hearing this is a limited time offer, order now. Just gimmicks and ploys to make you go along. This however was different. This time, my life was actually changed from the experience. And not even in a bad way.
We were deep in Sumatra. I don't even to this day know how Vegas, my best friend through life that got me in more trouble than I care to remember, found this place, this guide, even this island, but he did. Vegas had a friend that had found something incredible and wanted me and Vegas to be the first ones to see it. We are reporters. And some of the best ones in the world. Through our intense competition to the top of the reporting world is how we met and became friends, but that is a story for a different day.
Three days of walking across a jungle path that, at best, was wide enough for us to follow single file, and we finally arrived. Vegas and I were expecting something grand and spectacular, especially by how excited the friend was, but we had arrived to what looked like nothing more than a small opening in the ground, barely large enough for a man of reasonable size to fit through. The guide spoke very little English, but from what I understood at the time was that we were going to be a little uncomfortable. And that was a very large understatement, especially for anyone who is even a tiny claustrophobic.
It seemed like an eternity at the time, but looking back, it couldn't have been more than an hour or so of wiggling our way through the very small hole. It wasn't pleasant at all, there were things living in the hole first off, and there was just barely enough room to take a full breath. We were all exhausted by the end of the tunnel, and I remember very clearly being overwhelmingly relieved to be out of that cramped space, even though I had fallen out of the tunnel, into an underground pool, that felt more like one of the Great Lakes. Looking back, I don't know how the situation got better, but at the time it didn't matter. Somehow we managed to make our cramped tired bodies follow the guide to a shore where he shot off a flare. The cavern was immense, and so was the underground pool we just got out of. We appeared to make it to some sort of island. We set up camp and rested. The guide told us that we had a lot of walking to do.
The island was strange, but our destination was stranger. The ground we walked on for turned from sharp and ragged to flat and smooth. Also, the cavern began getting lighter. The closer we got to the light, the more movement there was. You could hear the bats above, and see the ground moving below. Then the source of the light. A whole way above in the cavern ceiling. No bigger than a football field. It gave enough light for sparse vegetation even. The guide pointed to a very large rock. Or what looked like a rock.
"You guys made it!"
It was Vegas' friend, he came from around another rock that we hadn't even noticed. There were tons of these rocks, all around, even where we came in, somehow we hadn't noticed them. As if that all wasn't enough, there was more. We heard a bark from behind us. It was a dog, but none like we had ever seen before. It was completely bald, and ghostly white, almost see through. Oh ya, it also had no eyes. It didn't even seem to notice. Vegas bent over to pet it and it's tale wagged.
"Guys, there is an entire society down here, undiscovered, this is their leader. They even have their own language down here, I have been trying to figure it out, and I've been getting pretty good. Oh, they don't shake hands, they fist pound. Ha cool huh?"
The man that he was standing next to was very short, no more than five foot, and he too was not only completely naked, but also 100% white. He still had eyes, but they were barely the size of pennies, and completely black.
Vegas and I stayed down there for a while and learned about the new society. It was hard to believe, too hard. That is why we decided that it was our duty to leave these people be. If we released the information we got about them, it would ruin them. They would become every scientist, every anthropologist, shit, everybody's little scientific experiment. We couldn't bring all that publicity to those people, so we left them be. I'm a writer though and writing is what I do, so here it will stay, on this blog for nobody to see.

Wants something bad

By 5:30 on a very abnormal Tuesday evening, Jonathan Smith was the most hungry he had ever been ever in his life. This is what Africa must feel like. Jonathan is a normal guy. He gets his haircut every five weeks the same way every time. He wakes up every morning at 7:35, give or take a minute because he likes to be up one hour before he has to get out the door for work, and by waking up at that time on the weekend, it keeps his body in tune. He follows the same routine every single morning, with the only variable being what he decides to eat and drink for breakfast. That he keeps a surprise. It makes the morning more interesting that way. This Tuesday was different however. For some reason his alarm either didn’t go off or he somehow slept through it. It not going off isn’t entirely out of the norm, after his glass of wine (or two, shhh) Jonathan sometimes forgets to set it, therefore, the minute or two of variation in his waking up, but today he didn’t wake. Little did Jonathan know at the time, but this would set off his entire day.
It was exactly 8:24 when Jonathan finally realized that he had not woken at the correct time. When he looked at his clock, he assumed that it was a dream, there is no way that he slept that late, he hadn’t slept that late since his college days he figured. But after a glance at his watch and a pinch to his arm, he realized it was all too true. Jonathan had never been late to work ever. Okay, maybe once when he was 17 or so, but those were his wild days. Jonathan had eleven minutes to make his ass out of the front door of his house. Actually, eighteen, he always gives himself a seven minute buffer just incase there is traffic or some unforeseeable slowdown on his way to work. After a quick moment to try and figure out which parts of his morning routine were not as necessary as others, Jonathan began getting ready as fast as he ever had. The problem is that all parts of his morning routine are very necessary for the well being of his day, but being how today had already started off on the wrong foot, it was most likely going to continue that way throughout, so he cut some things out. Two of those not so necessary things were breakfast, and making his lunch.
When he walked/ran through the front doors of his building, the sound of his stomach growling interrupted his thoughts about what he was going to say to his boss when he asked why he was late. Why hadn’t he just brought something in the car for breakfast? It was too late now, he would just have an early lunch, it would be alright. He sat at his desk and got to work immediately. Everybody acted normal when he arrived, maybe nobody had noticed. Then there was a knock.
“Hey Jonathan, how are you doing today?”
“Sir, I’m very good, thank you for asking, before you start, I just want to say that I am very sorry and that I know this isn’t like me, and Ted I promise it will never happen again”
After the look Ted gave him, Jonathan knew he had jumped the gun a little. “Jonathan, I don’t know how much coffee you drank this morning, but you’re going to need to settle down a bit. I was just coming to say that your memo that you sent out yesterday was very well written, I think people really got the message. Now what are you so damn upset about anyways?”
“Oh um, nevermind sir, Ted, it’s been a weird morning for me I guess, I’m sorry. Thank you very much though, I just really think it would be helpful for everybody to start labeling there food in the refrigerator. I understand that sometimes”
“Johnny, I’m saying it was a good memo, I read it, I know why you sent it and why you thought it was a good idea, it says it all in the memo. You always have very thorough memos John. I just stopped by to say good morning is all. Now get back to work alright and take a chill pill today, you look like you are going to have a heart attack this morning.”
“Oh, okay, thanks again Ted. I’m just trying to make this office the best it can be, ha. I’ll work on finding some of those chill pills.” Jonathan felt quite proud of his little joke, but Ted looked confused. “I mean, I’m not going to take any pills, ha, uh, I’ve never done anything like that every before so I sure won’t start now right?” Ted just shook his head a little bit and left. Jonathan always wondered why Ted always shook his head before he left. Jonathan knew that he was awkward sometimes, but he didn’t think it was too bad.
It just so turned out that today Jonathan was going to be swamped. This happens often enough, and that is why Jonathan chooses to pack a lunch everyday. After dealing with some of his first clients of the day, the small uncomfortable emptiness in his stomach had gotten larger. Also, the lion that seemed to have made a home in there was getting louder as the day progressed. He needed something, so it was time for a trip to the vending machine.

Unfortunate with this blog I had to make a chose. Keep writing it and finish a story from it, or quit on it for now and finish some other blogs. I chose to make some notes on the route I was going with it and maybe come back to it some other time if I still think it is worth it. So, maybe we will see more from Jonathan Smith some other time, right now I like him, so it is a definite probability.

Third level dialogue

"Wow John today really is a great day to go for a three mile walk, nice work." John knew the tone all to well, he never really could please Kate sometimes. "Kate I know, I'm sorry I should have checked the weather." She wouldn't even look at him, "no, no, no, I really love being soaking wet and freezing cold, c'mon babe, you know that."
"Here take my coat."
"Ya, that will make it much better, another layer of cold wet clothes, thank you so much for the offer John, but why don't you just keep it for yourself." John felt bad, he thought he had planned the perfect day, and it looked beautiful out when the first took off, but the further they got away from civilization, the darker the clouds got. When Kate asked if they should turn around, John was determined that God wouldn't ruin his perfect day, that the clouds would pass. They didn't, however. Now he was stuck with a pissed off Kate and still another cold wet half mile at least before they would reach their car. After a few minutes of silence from Kate, he thought she might have given up trying to make him feel bad. But he was wrong. "You know what John? I think we should plan our long walks in the country around this kind of weather more often. What a perfect day."

Bear at the door

“Hey sweetheart, nice ass.” The statement was mostly shocking to them both. After the initial shock, however, Jane immediately turned to me, eyebrows raised as if she was wondering why I hadn’t already done something. All I wanted was to get my ass kicked in pool by my wonderful girlfriend of two years, but with the knot tightening in my stomach; it appeared that tonight was going to have a lot more in store. My first reaction was to look around as if to see if a teacher or somebody of authority would be found in this dinky little bar to hear this guy and take care of him for me. Remembering that I am an adult and there aren’t authority figures always around to take care of confrontations for me, I stammered a little and addressed the tall well built gentleman. “Excuse me sir, that’s my girlfriend you are talking to.” I didn’t think the statement came out nearly as bold and defiant as I thought it would, and after the guy turned to his buddies and laughed, I knew for sure it hadn’t. “What’s she doing with a dude like you, that fine ass should be with a man that knows what to do with it,” followed by more laughter from him and his friends. All I wanted to do now was leave, and I was willing to accept the ridicule while I walked out the door. I didn’t have to go back to that bar again, it wasn’t very nice anyways. We could find a new bar no problem. But the look in Jane’s eyes wasn’t one of “let’s find a new bar”, more like “you had better do something”. Now I was uncomfortable and getting angry for being put in the situation both by this guy and Jane wanting me to do something about it when clearly this guy and his two buddies could easily kick my ass. “Hey man, why don’t you just mind your business and go find some whore to hook up with and leave me and my girlfriend alone.” And that was clearly enough to commence a battle with the guy. At one point I thought to myself, I thought these things were supposed to end after high school, but apparently not for everyone. With the very few fighting skills I possess, most of them, actually all of them learned from television, movies, and video games, I didn’t last very long in the fight. Two weeks later, with the shadow of a black eye still, I got engaged. I knew that if I would get into a fist fight for Jane, she was for sure the one. Plus, it made her absolutely adore me, even though I got my ass kicked.

Journey

Before he knew it his life was turned upside down…literally. The big storm on the coast of Australia had lifted the garbage can he was digging through while looking for the leftover cheesy fries he could smell and tossed it and him into the vast ocean. Even though his nest, wife, and little pinkies (they still hadn’t gotten there fur) weren’t too far from the beach, he wasn’t very familiar with the ocean. He recognized its smell, but it tasted horrible. Even worse than the yellow water that he sometimes came across in the white bowls. He managed to make his way to the top of the garbage can and squeaked and squeaked for help, but it was in vain. He tried swimming back to home, but he didn’t make it very far before getting too tired to continue any further, so he was forced to go back to what appeared to be his new home. Inside the garbage can wasn’t horrible, it had all the amenities of back home, but it lacked the most important thing, his family. Now he was accompanied by new companions that continually bumped against new home. They were strange creatures that lived inside the horrible tasting water. They looked silly with strange big eyes on either side of there head and strange looking wings along there body. Worst of all, they didn’t understand him. The first time he noticed them following his home, he asked what they were, but got nothing back. With all of his food gone, he was starting to get desperate. He was starving and couldn’t concentrate on anything but his stomach. Screw it; he had to do something so he leapt into the water once again, this time with no intention of turning back. After swimming for an eternity, his home was no longer visible, but he was driven with an insurmountable urge to eat, so he continued forth. About to give up, he noticed something protruding out of the water! Maybe it was a new home! With food! The object was getting closer and closer, almost too quickly, but the thought of food blinded him. When he reached the object, instead of being greeted with a tasty meal like he had hoped, he was greeted with a large dark opening of which he was swirled into. He made it onto something solid and there were tiny little creatures squirming all around him. He was frightened, and his lungs were full of water. The tongue he made it onto slowly lifted, dumping him deep into the digestive system of a whale.

I wanted to try something different with Journey and I failed miserably, but I didn't want to just trash it because I spent time on it. I tried writing from a rat's perspective, but it was difficult to do and probably a waste of time because I know my audience isn't children and it is hard to relate to a rat, but here it is, it was worth the experiment I think. Also, I know the ending sucked, but I knew the story was lame, so I kind of just pooped out.